It sounds better than the 'Darkest President Yet'

A couple of hundred years ago, slaveholders came up with a unique way to make more slaves. Anyone that had even 'one drop of black blood' was black and therefore a potential slave. That theory was looked upon (rightly in my humble opinion) as a load of shit and debunked shortly after the Civi War. It then became vogue at somepoint in the 20th century to be a minority no matter where your parents were born or what you were doing in life. "I'm a quarter Navajo on my grandmother's side so I think I deserve a casino."

This is not a unique American phenomenom. For example, every Mexican seems to embrace their Indian side while completely ignoring their Spanish side and the fact that the word mexican is a derivative of 'mestizo' or mixed. The politicians love to play up their minority side as they think it will endear them to the common folk. Think of how often it has been mentioned that Mitt Romney doesn't care if he's the first Mormon president.

And with that segue, let's get to Barack Obama. It's been touted that he will be the first black president. But, there's a problem with his mother. She's white. And his dad isn't one of the 'historically' downtrodden blacks that America loves to hate. He's an immigrant from Kenya. We love to hate immigrants too but if reparations for slavery were to be made tomorrow, Barack wouldn't get a dime.

To a point, I can see why Mexicans embrace their Native side and mixed race people like Barack are called black. Genetically speaking, the darker skin tones are more dominant and people are judged by looks. (Duh!) But, Barack is not black. Just as Tiger Woods is not black. (His mother is Thai.) I am curious why Tiger, early in his career, was not touted as the next best, Thai golfer ever. Another post another time.

The obvious reason to call Barack the potential First Black President is that is sounds a whole lot better than the potential Darkest President Ever. Remarkably, some blacks don't want to vote for Barack because he's not black enough. Classy. Some white people don't want to vote for him because he'll be the first president to have an afro pick in the side table of the Lincoln Bedroom. Classier.

So, my top five reasons for voting for Barack Obama that have nothing to do with race or politics.

1. He smokes. It's been a long time since we've had a Commander in Cheif that smokes. It'd be great news fodder to see him lighting up after a meeting with the President's Council on Physical Fitness.

2. He's a great speaker. His voice soothes me. Barack could deliver the worst State of the Union but his voice would lull me to sleep like a babe.

3. It would piss off the Klan.

4. Saturday Night Live might actually be funny again. Wishful thinking.

5. His name is remarkably similar to Brak from Space Ghost and every time I hear it or read it, I can't help but think of gravy, monkeys and gym teachers.



For the record, I'm the son of an immigrant and an American. But, not nearly successful as either Barack or Tiger. Or as dark.