Dumbest thing said during the Olympics last night.

Somehow I end up watching synchronized diving last night, or at least it was on the TV while I was in the room. Anyway, the announcer says something to the effect that "the divers really benefit when they train together." Really? You think the two people who are going to be performing a synchronized dive would benefit from training together? That's a remarkable idea!

Mark Spitz - Bitter, table for one.

Spitz upset over Olympic snub.

"I never got invited. You don't go to the Olympics just to say, I am going to go. Especially because of who I am," Spitz told AFP in Hong Kong.

"I am going to sit there and watch Michael Phelps break my record anonymously? That's almost demeaning to me. It is not almost -- it is."

"They voted me one of the top five Olympians in all time. Some of them are dead. But they invited the other ones to go to the Olympics, but not me," he said. "Yes, I am a bit upset about it."

Maybe they were afraid your ego wouldn't fit on the plane.

You knew this was coming...

McCain Camp Says Obama Is Playing ‘Race Card’
Seriously, if you are going to vote for or against Obama because he is black, you're a moron. There are plenty of legitimate reasons to vote for or against him and it's going to be sad watching the next four months of bullshit being brought up about race rather than actual issues that matter.

Storm Watch 2008!!!!!

Holy crap, it's Storm Watch time in southern California! That's right - we have rain, clouds, wind, and even a tornado! It's like real "weather" that everybody else in America gets all the time, only here it's big news. Good thing the Mega Doppler 7000 HD Rader (I couldn't make that shit up if I wanted) is working, otherwise we might not know it is sprinkling in Mission Viejo right now.

Five ways to tell if you're an idiot.

1. You have stickers like these on your car:


2. You watch American Idol, America's Got Talent, The Bachelor, baseball, Big Brother, or Survivor.

3. Titanic is your all-time favorite movie and/or you think 300 totally kicked ass.

4. You look like, or wish you looked like, these morons:


5. Linkin' Park is your favorite band.

Five people that ought to be choked

No time for chit chat today. Gettin' down to business.

1. The Verizon Guy.
Holy fuck! It's all I can do to not put my fist through the TV everytime I see him on there. That smirk plus the smug attitude! I had a wet dream where Hulk Hogan came out of retirement, got roid rage, and then wrapped his 24" pythons around this guys neck. (I'm pretty sure I'm not gay.)

2. Actors that brag about how hard they work.
Let's say your flipping channels looking for cleavage or sluts wrestling in jello or something and you come across Access Hollywood or the Insider. Odds are they are covering some kind of movie premier and you check it out because there's the possibility that there will be a wardrobe malfunction and you'll see nipples. Hasn't happened yet but there is ALWAYS an actor talking about the long hours and getting into character or some shit. Boo hoo. Most of us work long hours for way less money AND we can't take two months off after every month long shoot. Quit your bitching or get a new job.

3. Protestors at all the wrong places.
First there was Cindy Sheehan and some anti war groups at the Rose Parade this year. Then there was a gaggle of them trying to disrupt the Olympic Torch run because China tortures people, pollutes the environment and occupies Tibet. Sure China sucks and the war in Iraq is a problem. But don't try to bring politics to something that should be apolitical. If your cause is that worthy, you'd be getting all the press you need without having to latch onto the coat tails of a non-related, more popular event. Protesting the use of pesticides in commercial flower production would be appropriate for the Rose Parade but the war in Iraq. WTF? By the way, why do we care about Tibet?

4. John McCain
My nightmare vision of every politician embracing 'universal care' is coming true. He was on with George S. this morning explaining HIS plan and why it's better than Obama's or Hillary's. Eight years ago he campaigned as Luke Skywalker. Kind of cool. He's also been behind campaign finance reform. Can't say I agree with it but at least he's acting like he cares. Kind of cool. Now this? What's worse is the three viable choices for President are almost virtually identical. Iraq? We need to leave but clean it up first. Healthcare? Universal care. Free trade? Depends on the country but we'll see how the polls come back. Illegal immigration? There should be a pathway to citizenship. I was really hoping he'd go against the grain on something.

5. Linkin Park.
They continue to get more and more air play. Yet they still suck. Have we as a society crumbled so much that playing Linkin Park is acceptable?

If you see any of these people choke them for me. Or at least put someone in the Camel Clutch.

Make money with a blog!!!

It's easy, right? Everyone is doing it - quitting their jobs and raking in the dough off a blog. All you have to do is Google "making money with a blog" and you will get a ton of websites and blogs telling you exactly how to do it and how it is so easy. I've done a little research and come to the conclusion that they are kind of right, and they are also mostly full of shit.

Most of these blogs that are telling you how to make money with a blog are making their money by you going to their site and clicking on their ads or signing up for their programs they are "recommending." So all you need to do is start your own blog saying how to make money off a blog, and keep the pyramid going.

The thing is, there's no real product being sold 90% of the time. It's all adsense clicks (I'm guilty of it too) and affiliate referrals. Nobody is buying anything. I came across a site pimping http://cashcrate.com/ a site that pays you to do surveys. Sounds good right? You get like .80¢ for every survey or something, and people are saying how they are making thousands of dollars. Well, it isn't because they are doing thousands of surveys, they are hoping you click on the link, go to cashcrate and sign up because then they get the real money.

What about music blogs? I've got one: and it gets minimal traffic. Maybe a few hundred hits a week. The problem is that there are THOUSANDS of music blogs. It is impossible to keep track of them all. And since most people have crappy taste in music, getting people to check out a blog that talks about bands like Slim Cessna's Auto Club or Rocket from the Crypt ain't easy. I've put some Amazon links on there and signed up for the affiliate program just for shits and giggles, but I've never gotten a sale.

So I guess some people can do it, but for the most part, if you're looking to make a fortune with your blog, you probably already missed the boat and would be better off looking to the future to see what the next big "thing" is going to be and get in on the ground floor. That or sell porn, cuz people always love porn.

Man killed after being bit during shark dive.

Link to the story

So I know there's going to be a bunch of people up in arms over "chumming" the water during these shark dives, saying how dangerous it is, and it should be stopped, etc. because of this attack. Of course it is dangerous to dive with animals that can kill you after you've used the blood and guts of other animals to attract them, but how many other people have been killed during these dives? If you count the number of people who have gone on commercial shark dives, the number of photographers who have gone on shark dives, the number of divers who happened to come across sharks on their dives, the number of swimmers who have unwittingly been swimming with sharks in the vicinity, and the number of surfers who go into the water every day, it's pretty obvious that sharks aren't out there killing people every chance they get. In fact, this one death now ties 2008 with all of 2007 for fatal shark attacks. (LINK) So while it is unfortunate that someone was killed, let's hope the media doesn't turn this into a huge deal.

5 reasons to NOT vote for Hillary

All right, sweet thangs...Iron Balls is back! Been out a few getting the balls polished to a high shine. Now I'm ready to take it to Hillary. (You know you would, too.) My five reasons to NOT vote for Hillary now or come November.

1. She's a woman.
Before you get your panties in a bunch, I mean don't vote for her simply because she's a woman and you 1) want to see history or 2) you will only vote for a woman because you're a woman. Makes no sense. This is like expecting the most ardent, white Democrat to vote for McCain over Obama just because McCain's white.

2. She has no experience.
I'm all for a citizen politician. But, Hillary claims to have all the political know how but has yet to do anything. To hear her tell it, she was the president behind the president during the Bill Clinton years. Then, she moved to a state after polling to see if she'd get elected. And with name recognition, didn't really have to campaign.

3. She's a hypocrite.
Yes she's now a politician and hypocrisy is to be expected but she's given Bush a ration of shit after voting to support him invading Iraq. Then she voted for every single one of his requests for more Iraq money. Reminds me of House Speaker Nancy Pelosi saying that money in the hands of the people will lift the economy. Haven't the Republicans been trying to do that for the last 30 years? (Nevermind their spending habits for the last eight.)

4. Universal health care.
I've got shiny, iron balls so I'm just going to say it. HEALTH CARE IS NOT A RIGHT. I realize a president doesn't have so much power to create universal health care on her own. But, with enough TV time and the lack of backbone by anyone to say HEALTH CARE IS NOT A RIGHT, all of the other pols will fall into line and cave. Especially when Hillary introduces a blind, armless 4 year old with a stutter at her first State of the Union. Then, she'll say, "This little girl would be like any other little girl if the big, bad healthcare industry were would make service more affordable. Like it'd be under my plan." Holy fuck, I'm really scared.

5. Bill Clinton.
Imagine Billy Carter getting the press of Britney Spears. No, worse. Imagine Bill Clinton acting like Britney Spears. But, he'd be the delegate to the UN. It'd be entertaining for a week or so. Then it just wouldn't stop. Ever.

Do everyone you know a favor and encourage them to vote for Ron Paul. Seriously. If you're a Democrat and don't have open primaries, write him in. The worst case scenario would be giving the poll workers something to talk about.

Iron Balls OUT!

The Democrats are morons.

After eight years of Bush, one of the worst presidents to step foot into the White House, you would think the Democrats would have no problem winning back the oval office, right? No...they'd rather screw it all up, bicker among themselves like high school cheerleaders, and come across as being so incompetent that in the end people are going to vote for the Republicans again!

The worst part is that the two people causing all this mess, Clinton (Bill or Hillary - take your pick at which one is actually running) and Obama are probably the two least likely to get elected president. Say what you will about how far this country has progressed, but in a country where in some states a black man is 57 times more likely to be sent to jail on the same drug charges as a white man - there is sadly still little chance of a black man being elected president. And that's not even taking into account that the guy really isn't all that qualified for the job.

Only slightly less likely is a woman being elected. Now Hillary may be well known, and she has Bill on her side, but do the Democrats not realize how universally hated she is among a large portion of America? She is probably the one person who can be more divisive than Bush has been as president.

If the Democats were smart, they'd encourage, plead, beg, blackmail, or force Gore to run. He'd win in an absolute landslide over any of the guys the Republicans are thinking about nominating. But I do have to admit, a part of me really wants Romney to win the nomination and go against either Clinton or Obama. I'd love to see "mainstream" America have to choose between either a woman, a black man, or a Mormon. If that were to happen, Nader may finally have a chance.

Presidential Debates Suck

So I got to catch 20 minutes of the Republican debate last night on CNN. Besides the cheesiness of the whole youtube thing, one thing that really just bugged me was the amount of time talking about completely irrelevant and non-political topics. They had a bunch of questions about religion. "Do you believe every word in the bible" or something else about Jesus. Who gives a rat's ass? I don't care if the president is a Christian or worships the Flying Spaghetti Monster as long as he does his job well. In fact, given the quality of the presidential candidates this year, I think I'm going to write in a vote for the FSM and his noodly appendages.

Every wonder what happened to Stringfellow Hawk?

It ain't pretty:

Jan Michael Vincent Video

Blackwater incident revisited.

So it appears the "government report" on the incident we talked about earlier was written by "a Blackwater contractor working in the embassy security detail". Not only that, but the report itself "doesn't mention civilian casualties" which is rather convenient given that a number of civilians were killed in the incident. Full story here.

And to make Blackwater's already bad day worse, the NY Times is reporting that

"A Blackwater USA employee under investigation in the killing last December of an Iraqi bodyguard in an off-duty confrontation was so drunk after fleeing the shooting that another group of guards took away the loaded pistol he was fumbling with, a report to a House committee said Monday."

The State Department's response was to give the bodyguard's family $250,000 compensation. However according to The Kansas City Star

the "payment proposed by the U.S. Embassy in Baghdad was too much, because it might lead Iraqis to "try to get killed so as to set up their family financially".

I bet the people or Iraq sit around and thank their lucky stars for the "protection" we're giving them...

The sad state of politics summed up nicely.

This TIME article is one of those articles that says all the things I'd love to say but with the writing ability to make it sound a whole lot better than I ever could: How Dare You!

Here are a couple of the good parts:

Welcome to the wonderful world of umbrage, the new language of American politics. You would not have thought that the likes of Rush Limbaugh and Bill O'Reilly would be so sensitive. Sticks and stones and so on.

All this drawing of uncrossable lines and issuing of fatuous fatwas is supposed to be a bad habit of the left. When right-wingers are attacking this habit rather than practicing it, they call it political correctness. The problem with political correctness is that it turns discussions of substance into arguments over etiquette.

Ahoy bilge rats!

It be talk like a pirate day! However, these landlubbers need to realize that pirates didn't fight with machetes!

Salt Lake City police say two men dueled with machetes in a fight that ended with one person hogtied.

My question is - where were these two guys that there happened to be a couple of machetes laying around?

Blackwater ordered out of Iraq.

This is going to be an interesting turn of events in Iraq. After a recent shooting involving Blackwater personnel left nine people dead, the government of Iraq is banning the security contractor. In addition, a top Iraqi judge is saying that charges can be brought against Blackwater for the deaths, which contradicts "Order 17" which gives private security companies and their employees immunity from prosecution in Iraqi courts. Additionally, according to the Washington Post, "some security experts said it is unlikely that the Iraqi government could expel Blackwater because its contract is through the State Department."

So what happens now? Does the Iraqi government have the ability to decide what happens inside their borders yet or is the U.S. going to tell them what is best for them? If Blackwater is allowed to stay by the U.S. and nothing is done, will it breed more mistrust and resentment among the Iraqi people towards the U.S.? And if Blackwater is indeed forced to leave, will the military have to come up with an extra 2000 troops to cover the loss of Blackwater personnel?

Should be interesting indeed.

BTW - here is a not so unbiased video about Blackwater:

"Suck it, Jesus."

God bless Kathy Griffin. Say what you will about her, but no matter what, she's got balls. Here is an excerpt from her Emmy acceptance speech:

"A lot of people come up here and thank Jesus for this award. I want you to know that no one had less to do with this award than Jesus," an exultant Griffin said, holding up her statuette. "Suck it, Jesus. This award is my god now."

You can read the article here. As you can imagine, the shit hit the fan and the hypocrites came out of the woodworks condemning what she said as "obscene and blasphemous" along with "hate speech." Of course they are going to edit out the Jesus part on TV, which begs the question - what other countries around the world would scream blasphemy and censor TV when a religious figure is the butt of a joke?

What do California and Al Qaeda have in common?

They both ban smoking! And according to Iron Eagle III co-star and presidential candidate Fred Thompson, the Al Qaeda policy of no-smoking pushed some tribes in Iraq to support the United States. Now, I will admit that California won't cut off your fingers if you smoke, but if banning smoking is something that Al Qaeda would do, what does that say about California?

As for Thompson - it is good to see him getting comfortable with the whole "using your family to get votes" part of politics:

His cue to stop talking came from 4-year-old daughter Hayden, who came on stage with a bow in her hair to tug on Thompson's pants leg - drawing "oohs" from the audience.

Of course I doubt if his 47 year old son would've been able to draw any "oohs" from the audience, but hopefully next time he'll use his 41 year old wife instead, because she's kinda hot and has a nice rack.

It sounds better than the 'Darkest President Yet'

A couple of hundred years ago, slaveholders came up with a unique way to make more slaves. Anyone that had even 'one drop of black blood' was black and therefore a potential slave. That theory was looked upon (rightly in my humble opinion) as a load of shit and debunked shortly after the Civi War. It then became vogue at somepoint in the 20th century to be a minority no matter where your parents were born or what you were doing in life. "I'm a quarter Navajo on my grandmother's side so I think I deserve a casino."

This is not a unique American phenomenom. For example, every Mexican seems to embrace their Indian side while completely ignoring their Spanish side and the fact that the word mexican is a derivative of 'mestizo' or mixed. The politicians love to play up their minority side as they think it will endear them to the common folk. Think of how often it has been mentioned that Mitt Romney doesn't care if he's the first Mormon president.

And with that segue, let's get to Barack Obama. It's been touted that he will be the first black president. But, there's a problem with his mother. She's white. And his dad isn't one of the 'historically' downtrodden blacks that America loves to hate. He's an immigrant from Kenya. We love to hate immigrants too but if reparations for slavery were to be made tomorrow, Barack wouldn't get a dime.

To a point, I can see why Mexicans embrace their Native side and mixed race people like Barack are called black. Genetically speaking, the darker skin tones are more dominant and people are judged by looks. (Duh!) But, Barack is not black. Just as Tiger Woods is not black. (His mother is Thai.) I am curious why Tiger, early in his career, was not touted as the next best, Thai golfer ever. Another post another time.

The obvious reason to call Barack the potential First Black President is that is sounds a whole lot better than the potential Darkest President Ever. Remarkably, some blacks don't want to vote for Barack because he's not black enough. Classy. Some white people don't want to vote for him because he'll be the first president to have an afro pick in the side table of the Lincoln Bedroom. Classier.

So, my top five reasons for voting for Barack Obama that have nothing to do with race or politics.

1. He smokes. It's been a long time since we've had a Commander in Cheif that smokes. It'd be great news fodder to see him lighting up after a meeting with the President's Council on Physical Fitness.

2. He's a great speaker. His voice soothes me. Barack could deliver the worst State of the Union but his voice would lull me to sleep like a babe.

3. It would piss off the Klan.

4. Saturday Night Live might actually be funny again. Wishful thinking.

5. His name is remarkably similar to Brak from Space Ghost and every time I hear it or read it, I can't help but think of gravy, monkeys and gym teachers.



For the record, I'm the son of an immigrant and an American. But, not nearly successful as either Barack or Tiger. Or as dark.

Kids don't fly free

Officials at Nepal's state-run airline have sacrificed two goats to appease Akash Bhairab, the Hindu sky god, following technical problems with one of its Boeing 757 aircraft, the carrier said Tuesday.



Good thing they did this today as the Nepal Goat Sacrificers Union Local 242 is set to go on strike Friday.